Lady A singer Charles Kelley celebrates 1 year sober: 'Finding out who I really am'

September is National Recovery Month, an observance held "to promote and support new evidence-based treatment and recovery practices, the nation’s strong and proud recovery community, and the dedication of service providers and communities who make recovery in all its forms possible," according to the federal Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.

If you suspect you or someone you know needs help with alcohol abuse, you can call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or visit https://findtreatment.gov.

The confrontation came on the tour bus a few years ago.

Lady A's Hillary Scott and Dave Haywood asked bandmate Charles Kelley if maybe he was slurring his words on stage or acting a little sloppy up there after drinking before shows.

"'Well shoot, don't I give it my all? Aren't I always hitting the notes?'" Kelley fired back.

But it's more than that, Charles, they told him. It's how you deal with us as a band, trying to dictate decisions, dismissing what we have to say, being short with us.

"I got really offended!" Kelley says in an interview with The (Nashville) Tennessean, part of the USA TODAY Network.

And then he realized they were probably right. And that they were concerned for his well-being. So he slowed down his drinking, for a few months, anyway.

Then Kelley started "sneaking" alcohol, he said, drinking out of view of the band and crew − and behind his wife's back.

"On the golf course, I'd have a bloody Mary, then some cocktails, and then wine with dinner at home, whiskey at night, next thing you know, it's eight drinks in a day."

Or more.

Nearly every day.

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On show days, Kelley says, "I was drinking a lot myself before the show. Then I saw (Dave and Hillary) and said, 'Hey, let’s have some.' And I'd drink some more."

The crash came on a family vacation in Greece when Kelley, away from his wife, Cassie, shut off his phone and stayed out all night drinking, he says.

"I've never done that before. Usually, I used to always text Cassie and at least say, 'I'll be home soon,' or 'Leave me alone, I'm out with the boys.' But that night, I turned my phone off. ... Let's see what she does when I do this. I terrified them all."

When he came back to the hotel, he and his wife said — almost at the same time — they realized that Kelley needed help. He flew from Greece to a treatment center in Utah. And emotions nearly overwhelmed him.

"I cried at the airport, and I hadn't cried in five years," Kelley says. "There was a weird relief. Hope. Finally, I get to try a new journey."

Kelley says he cried several times during his early days in rehab, feeling like a fish out of water until, again, hope started seeping in.

With rehab, 12-step recovery meetings and therapy, Kelley started to realize he often drank to escape the pressure to succeed that he and others put on him.

"There was an anxiety that went with (being a country star)," he says, "so the drink was to try to calm your nerves, but it was creating so much more anxiety for me than it was helping. But if you're going to put career as a higher power, you’re going to live and die by successes and failures."

Success, though, didn't equal serenity.

"The ups and down of singles, tours, awards, when I really look back, I wouldn't say I was any happier on our skyrocket ship part of our career."

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Kelly also realized he drank to replicate the rush he got on stage.

"Getting off stage, that jolt of dopamine, if you don’t have it, you drink to get it back," he said. "I got addicted to heightened moments. Everything had to be big moments: golf, concerts − I couldn't just live life as it came."

Now, Kelley says he avoids extremes.

"I've never felt a 10 before, but I don't have to deal with 1s, 2s and 3s anymore. I live between a 6 and a 9. I'm just trying to search for peace."

The rushes he gets now often come in meeting with other people recovering from substance abuse disorder.

"This is where you get jolts of nuggets of hope and spirituality," he says. "On my own, I can get distracted, but when I go to those meetings, we have these moments where that's all I'm focused on, my higher power coming in."

Kelley concedes that he sometimes feels there's too much focus on feelings and recovery.

"Sometimes at night, I feel I'm overtherapized," he said, smiling. "I don’t want my life to become completely about sobriety.

"On the flip side, I feel like I have a responsibility to share with my peers or with anyone that there is hope. You can literally change the trajectory of your life by doing this (recovery work).

"Is it going to be hard? Yes."

Reach Brad Schmitt at brad@tennessean.com or 615-259-8384.